Current mood:

depressed

Why is my heart still beating?
Why is it there still sinking?

Finally got through to Gwen's parents. They said she was still at her brothers waiting to go up there. Called her brother, he hasn't heard from her for four days, when she called him from Ipswich.

She generally doesn't have any friends to go to if she has nowhere to stay, Ipswich being so far away makes it even more suspicious. I knew I didn't mean enough to her, the only explanation is that I was just another guy who did everything for her and looked after her, giving her the pleasures of a grown up while she still gets to be a kid.

Her finding someone else to do that for her is the only explanation. She rebounds while I am still her loving her, worrying about her, missing her. Maybe its this depressively explosive feeling that made her last guy attack me, she's like a drug you get addicted to but you know it's bad for you.

So why do I hurt so much inside? Why is this the first time in my life I have ever truly felt like giving up on it all? Surely there has been worse in my life. I still love her and there feels like there is only one way to get rid of that pain. So much for the miracle.